


How Do You Say "I Love You"?

by Infinitefleurs



Category: L.A. Noire
Genre: 5 Things, 5+1 Things, Angst, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, from the bottom of my heart i just wanna say my bad, i just think its an offense to ship roy/cole and not have a fic for them so here, i've always liked fics like these and i knew i had to write one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-04-08 08:57:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14101893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Infinitefleurs/pseuds/Infinitefleurs
Summary: There’s a lot of ways to say “I love you” without actually saying it. Roy muses on the could have’s and the should have’s, the times where he should’ve told Cole that he loved him, but couldn’t. Didn’t.aka, the five times Roy told Cole he loved him without actually saying it, and the one time he couldn’t.





	How Do You Say "I Love You"?

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry i love you guys
> 
> also chapter 3 of i'm not that drunk is a little delayed, sorry

1.

_“They really picked a prize shithole for our first date.”_

 Roy knew, from the moment he saw Cole, that there was something special about him. Wasn’t too bad-looking either, despite the tragic science teacher look he had going on. Whether or not he’d be suited for a desk as toiling and gruesome as Ad Vice, that was what Roy wanted to find out.

And now here he was. If it weren’t for Roy, Cole would probably be partnered with someone else, and he simply couldn’t have that. He hated how much his heart fluttered whenever Cole spared him a smile, or gave the slightest chuckle whenever he’d crack a joke.

They were complete opposites, to say the least. From handling police work down to morality. Roy was cold and sardonic. Cole was... _warm_. Roy had been like that, once upon a time. The thought would’ve made him laugh now, him once being the golden boy Cole was now.

Things were different now, suffice to say. A lot of the glances he got nowadays was nothing he could consider friendly but it wasn’t like he _cared_. He was a lone rider; he’d be damned if he gave anyone a second thought.

But then, there was Cole. Cole never looked at him with any sort of disdain. He laughed with him, talked to him, occasionally asked for advice when it was needed…

Roy knew it was wrong. Cole was a married father. It would only ever end one way, and yet...he wanted him. He wanted him so bad it hurt.

Roy flashes Cole a smile. “C’mon, Phelps. Those dead junkies aren’t gonna investigate themselves.”

* * *

 

2.

_“...Like it or not, we’re a dysfunctional couple now.”_

Roy wasn’t quite sure if what he said was _only_ a joke because if he was being honest...they might as well be one. The glances they gave each other, the stolen kisses in the shade...the first time that happened, Cole nearly socked him one. Regardless, dysfunctional was certainly what he’d call their relationship.

They were both serious in police work, albeit Cole just a bit more than Roy was, but somehow they’d find always themselves in Roy’s car, parked in an alleyway with both of them sweaty and tangled in each other.

It wasn’t what Roy had in mind, but he had Cole and that’s what mattered most to him.

They didn’t talk much in times like these, and neither of them particularly mind. There was a kind of comfort in the silence they shared. They’d kiss again before getting dressed, and it’d be like nothing happened.

Roy wasn’t as young as he used to be, but his eyes were still sharp. He was completely certain Cole’s ring was off whenever they were losing themselves in each other. Roy almost smirks; Cole was his and his alone.

Was he in love with the man? Goddamn, he was. Very much so. The shine in his eyes, the way he smiled...god, even how he scribbled in that little notebook of his. Roy loved every part of him. But he couldn’t say it. Not yet.

Roy presses a kiss to the younger man’s temple and pulls away. He puts his button up back on and reaches for the radio.

“KGPL, this is Car 11K, we’re gonna need an APB on the suspect…”

* * *

 

3.

_“You’re a bonnaroo case man, Phelps. One of the best I’ve ever met.”_

It was a well known fact that Roy Earle had little to no regard for others. He would always put his wants over the needs of everyone and obviously, no one couldn’t solve a Vice case as well as he could.

But Cole...Cole was a different case. He had a certain finesse when it came to police work, and whenever they’d hit a dead end, Cole would just magically conjure up a lead like it was no big deal.

Was he good? Extremely. Roy would even say he might’ve been better than him. His sense of style never changed; it was still that dull science teacher get up he always had, but Roy didn’t care. He’d show Cole off to the world if he could. He’d brag about how the LAPD’s golden boy was _his_ partner and that he had Cole all to himself, but he just couldn’t.

He couldn’t, he couldn’t, he just _couldn’t._

It didn’t seem to matter much to Cole, who seemed to be very much fine with keeping whatever they had in the dark. Roy could only wonder if that was ever going to be enough for him. For Cole. For them.

Roy gives Cole a pat on the back, congratulating him for another job well done. The Julia Randall case was rather tedious, and if it were up to Earle, he would’ve chalked it off as the typical suicide. But Phelps pressed onward anyways to solve it. Roy had to admire that.

He invites Cole for a few drinks and maybe a bit of fun at his apartment, but the man politely declines.

He was celebrating with the wife, he said.

* * *

 

4.

_“Not everyone has your unwavering restraint in the face of temptation, Cole.”_

Roy should’ve known. He was an idiot for not having seen it sooner. The frequent trips to the Blue Room, the passing glances...He should’ve known. He should’ve known that if anyone was going to ruin whatever good he had going, it would’ve been that German junkie _whore._

He was angry at Elsa, he was angry at Cole, hell he was angry at the whole world for screwing him like that. But most of all...he was angry at himself.

He already knew how it would end. He always told himself to stick to the percentages. Broken hearts were for chumps and he was very well speaking from experience. Despite all that, he still let Cole in. Into his heart. He never thought much about love until he met Cole, and god.

It _hurt_ like a motherfucker.

The moment he saw the lights go off in Elsa’s apartment, and Cole’s car in the driveway...as cliche as it sounded, it broke his heart. He told himself he wouldn’t put himself through that again but he did. And he hated himself for it.

He only smiled to himself and drove off. He drank the night away in his apartment. He drank to forget but it would be fruitless. He would remember in the morning. He would always remember.

Roy would make sure he had the last word, and he’d be damned if he didn’t get anything out of it.

_“_ _I have a human interest story. An LAPD cop from the war…”_

* * *

 

5.

Roy hadn’t thought of how quickly Cole would’ve been able to piece the whole Elysian Fields conspiracy. He should’ve; he knew how smart Cole was. But nonetheless, he found himself at the Blue Room, as much as he hated to be there, to pass a message.

“Buy me a drink, Cole?”

“No.”

He’d come to expect the hostility. It hurt coming from Cole, but Roy was simply returning the favor after what he had gone through. He smiles, lighting a cigarette.

“Not even for old time’s sake?”

“Not even for that.”

The bastard wasn’t even looking at him anymore. No, his eyes were on that junkie whore. He chuckles, trying to hide the malice and disdain from his voice. As much as he hated it, he still cared for the other. If he kept going down this road, there would be consequences.

_“Stay away from Elysian Fields.”_

Of course, he was told to pass that message along. But there was still some worry to it. Cole Phelps would stop at nothing to solve a case, and this was no different.

That was the similarity between them, Roy supposes. They were both stubborn in their own way. Cole wouldn’t stop until he had dug up the truth, and Roy simply refused to swallow his pride.

Casting a glare over to Elsa’s direction, he turns back to Cole. He wished things were different. That they’d patch things up and they would go back to the way things were. He wanted to tell Cole how much he... _loved_ him. He wanted to tell him to just leave Elsa and return to him.

But he couldn’t. He didn’t.

Cole wouldn’t have listened anyways. Roy thinks that’s what hurt him most. He had lost Cole just as quickly as he got him. It would never be the same again. Was it his fault? He’ll admit it; it was.

Voice softer this time, much more of a plea rather than a threat, Roy speaks again.

_“Stay away.”_

* * *

 

_The one time he couldn’t_

Roy couldn’t believe it. He really couldn’t. He was certain the world was just playing him at this point. He had been driving on the way to a bar when KGPL radioed in. If he hadn’t been paying attention, he would’ve crashed into the car in front of him.

_“KGPL to officers in the vicinity and any Central unit, officer down at the L.A. River Tunnels, requesting backup and an ambulance. Officer recognized as Detective Cole Phelps. Code Three, KGPL clear.”_

After that, his heart stopped. Along with everything else. He would’ve gone as quickly as he could, but he couldn’t bring himself to go.

Besides. Phelps was a smart man. Resourceful. Hell, he made it through Okinawa in one piece. He’d be fine, right?

Oh, how wrong he was.

Roy found himself standing in front of a podium at the chapel. A closed casket with Cole’s body in front of him. It was draped in the flag. Elsa had started raving in the middle of his eulogy, but he paid her no mind. He tried to keep his voice from wavering as best he could. Nothing else was registering to him and his hands were shaking.

Taking a deep breath, he continues to speak.

“He continued to fight the good fight...the fight that cost him his own life. A good husband, a good father, and may I say…”

Roy’s voice gets caught in his throat, and he forgets how to speak for a moment. What else could he say? That he loved Cole? That he never wanted any of this for him? It hurt him, just standing in front of the podium. He didn’t deserve to be there. He shouldn’t have been at Cole’s funeral in the first place. It was because of him Cole was gone. He had no idea the man would’ve caused him so much heartbreak. So much hurting.

But even after all that...Roy loved him. He truly did, and it would haunt him for the rest of his days that he never got to tell him. It would haunt him that he might as well have caused his death. He didn’t care anymore. He could tell everyone here, right now. Just scream to the world that he loved Cole Phelps.

_“...A good friend.”_

But he couldn’t.


End file.
